ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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