The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
