Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
