dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
