"it" just moved
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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