i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
