His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
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Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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