So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
