I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
