We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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