I cannot find my penis.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
