OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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