I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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