the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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