Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
