nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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