I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
