Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
