dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
