The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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