At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
