BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
