wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
