You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
