Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
