It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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