Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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