Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize