me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays