i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
