did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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