Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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