the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
