she looked like the before picture.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
