There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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