I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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