I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
