he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
