You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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