I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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