You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
