Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i need some magic done to my vagina
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
