Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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