why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
