R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize