1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
