I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
