Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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