I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
