I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize