There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
