You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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