Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
