Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
