we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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