I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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