Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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