Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
