It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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