you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
