Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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