yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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