It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
